a tired nut

been a horrible week at camp.
the medical ctr lost my letter..
and nw it becomes my problem.

now i have to go and find a copy.
or risk doing things..
that put me at risk. god i hate this.

feeling extremely lethargic..
maybe its all those meds i'm taking.

just read a post off someone's blog..

why if we're so worried of regret..
do we still choose not to do
the things we want to?

and since life is so short and frail..
why do we think so much about..
things we wanna do but lack faith to?

i dunno.

it always feels like i'm living my life..
for someone else. never for myself.

it feels like when i make a decision..
i worry about how people look at me.

when i take on something..
i'm worried i'll fail and fall flat.
and people will laugh.
and i worry things turn out worse.

maybe thats why i never have guts
to pursue what i really want to.
to do what i really want to..
or even to say what i really feel.

life's natural problems
and my dumb thinking.
makes life so complicated.

and it makes me tired. really tired.