a tired nut

been a horrible week at camp.
the medical ctr lost my letter..
and nw it becomes my problem.

now i have to go and find a copy.
or risk doing things..
that put me at risk. god i hate this.

feeling extremely lethargic..
maybe its all those meds i'm taking.

just read a post off someone's blog..

why if we're so worried of regret..
do we still choose not to do
the things we want to?

and since life is so short and frail..
why do we think so much about..
things we wanna do but lack faith to?

i dunno.

it always feels like i'm living my life..
for someone else. never for myself.

it feels like when i make a decision..
i worry about how people look at me.

when i take on something..
i'm worried i'll fail and fall flat.
and people will laugh.
and i worry things turn out worse.

maybe thats why i never have guts
to pursue what i really want to.
to do what i really want to..
or even to say what i really feel.

life's natural problems
and my dumb thinking.
makes life so complicated.

and it makes me tired. really tired.

complicated

hmm. i lead a complicated life.
or maybe its not.

but i make it very complicated.

so complex i dun even know..
exactly how complicated it is.

i think i deserve it.

anw.. like ms procrastinator says..
船到桥头自然直

i hope so.

another reverie

scholarship award ceremony..
kinda sian! not very organized one.
and the buffet lunch.. er. look nice nia.

nevermind anw. got this nice booklet..
den inside got one letter.. -.-"

but the goodie bag was.. excellent!
got a wireless mouse and a nice pen!
lol. sound so.. er.. aunty? haha. =x
and i conclude mum cant use a camera!

nevertheless.. nice networking event.
gwen + yining were happily cam whoring.
and i met this new guy with our sponsor..
called kelvin. haha. shuai ge! =p

today evening.. at home stoning..
i look at my post yesterday.. den think..

hmm actually ar. i duno if my "goals"
are actually even important.

i missed out.. family and friends.
den come to think about it..
i also dun have alot of friends. haha. =x

and i applied.. for ppcdl yesterday. lol.

life goals

ahh sicky again. haha.
got plenty of time on my hands.
a list of what i did today..

- made a computer spec comparison chart
- wrote a php image selection snippet
- sorted out all the scholarship stuff
- played cnc generals (stupid)
- downloaded the latest maple client (stupid)
- coerced mz and yj to go kbox next week

also got lots of time to think about..
what i wanna do with my life.

hmm. realize my goals now..
still about the same as a few years ago..
never really change much.

academically i wanna complete..

- my masters degree in IT (on the way)..
- my doctorate in business admin.. by 35.
- a bachelor of laws.. by 45

and maybe...

- get my acca certification..
- become a chartered public accountant..
- hope for my fcca..

haha. these are like dreams more den goals.
goals are supposed to be achievable.

mz ask me two very interesting questions..
1) are u really interested in these?
2) u going to work and study part time?

ahh.. dba, llb, acca, cpa and fcca.. haha.
maybe dreams will come true. we'll see.

not so academically.. i wanna get..

- class 4 license (dun ask me wad for)..
- class 2b license (really soon)..
- my boating ppcdl license.. (even sooner)..

and maybe..

- a private pilot license! lol.

ok the last one is totally insane.
just teasing anw. no way i'll ever fly..
i have a terrible fear of heights.

hmm.. did i say i will freak out..
just going on the sentosa skyride? lol.

and lastly! i wanna...

- get my first car by 26..
- get my first house by 28..
- and start my own family (hopefully).

lol. okay la the car and house..
lets just hope i strike toto group 1, 1 share.
den maybe it'll happen. lol.

for now... i just wanna

- enjoy life and be happy!

thats the most important i guess..
be healthy, contented and easy going.
den can be happy.

tmr gotta crawl outta bed early..
just for the scholarship ceremony.
awww... singapore poly. so far!

*pouts and dreads* =x

mz today told me she and yj used
our poly fyp consolidated report..
for presentation in the nus course. lol.

i open the file and see.. haha!
now looking back at the stuff we did..
they all look really nice. =)

and to nicky.. dun worry.. i'm sure..
that u will eventually find ur way
to that girl's heart.. good luck bastard!
=p

singing my way home

i'm home! again!
i took leave tmr to settle the
scholarship stuff (finally)...
the week flashed by. zoom!

i took 67 home from my camp
at bukit panjang...

while the bus crawled along
serangoon road... we drove past his
hindu temple.
they were having some ritual on..
lights and fire and stuff.

the people on the bus all stopped
what they were doing...
stopped reading.. stopped chatting..
and almost everyone on the crowded bus
just looked out the window..
and watched the ritual..

what touched me was that..
the bus was full of ppl of different races.
but nevertheless everybody watched.

strange. but its this kinda small things..
that i find make life much more worthwhile.

anw i had abit of time on my hands today
so i watched "8 femme"..
a french musical/drama movie...
it wasn't exactly fantastic..
but i LOVE french flicks. lol.

等待

是一个很遥远的路途
好远好远

但不论这条路有多艰难
我不抱怨 不放弃

ratatouille!

took shing and han out today
to watch the cute rat show..

got the 4.15 session.. so crowded.
forgot its hols now.

had the promo ljs set for lunch.
the $4.95 set was heavenly.
fish + crunchy & battered shrimp.
quite worth the price.

watched at gv max.. the big cinema.
we got third row from the front.
pretty.. nausea-inducing at times.
haha. cute show.

jean came to join us after movie
i bluff the kids its my new gf. lol.
they surprised see her again.

had dinner at han's harbourfront.
two kids were full so only me + jean
each had a chicken chop.
alrite la. the food is.. so-so.

the kids went back..
we wandered around.. finding a way
to cut the bloody taxi queue.

din really wanna go zouk again
so dropped jean off there
and home sweet home..

aa has her netball game tmr..
good luck! =)

nocturnal bug

i caught the nocturnal bug again.
can't sleep at night. haha.

but no matter wad time i snooze.
i'll be up before noon next day. =/

met ah bren today at grassroots
had a few rounds of pool..
den went amk central for kfc

tried the surf and turf meal..
oatmeal fish was pretty good.
but for $5.95.. the meal was..
not at all filling can..

ah bren tried to organize a ktv session.
but his two other fren not interested.
end up we went thompson play lan.

starcraft-ed. yes that old game.
and den tried flying bf2 planes. lol.
confirmed: we suck at flying em.

schedule fucked up again.
friday always got too many things.

3am. damn awake.

never again!

damn bored today.
had crackers and ice cream
for breakfast. how wrong. lol.

went to amk hub meet aa
after her skating lessons..
i first time go there. sua ku. lol.
nice to see her again after so long.

went back bedok haf dinner.
she craving hokkien mee.. but..
the stall was closed! lol! =x
end up having curry noodles.

made the horrible mistake
of going to zouk after that.

met camp ppl, heng and jean.
but they all got their own gang.
ended up sitting at zouk
watching the world go by.

was damn boring.
^$23^

jailbird

finally book out le!
whee~ haha.

after 16 straight days in camp.

my first week attached to the
rifle company.. pretty exciting
and "challenging"

second week was preparing for
army open house 2007.
held at pasir laba camp.

nice memories at this camp.
esp chicken + cheese roti john. lol.

mum and dad visited on friday..
dad went to the live firing tryout.
5/5. typical officer pattern.

they visited again on saturday
and brought grandpa along..
got fascinated by a missile launcher.
and held it for a good 5 mins.
piss the booth ambassador off. lol.

aa's birthday surprise on saturday
somehow managed to work out! =p
hope ya enjoyed ur bdae!

we made a pact to have more..
healthy activities.
she's skating and netballing..
while i.. er.. =/